She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
