beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Randomize
