I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
