This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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