I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
