i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
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