It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
