you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
