i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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