Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
