Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
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