What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
