He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
