she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
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