Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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