I hope mine doesn't look like that
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
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