she was so not down for the gang bang
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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