They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
