i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
