she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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