Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
