he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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