I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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