I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
