and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
She announced her abortion via fbk
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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