This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
