i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
