we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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