i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
