Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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