..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
then he tried to convert me to islam
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize