ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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