Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
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