im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize