I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
