i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
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