Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
I need to align my fucking chakras
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