i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize