I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Randomize
