Umm I'm too high to move.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
