Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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