All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
