I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize