i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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