Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
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