party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Randomize
