I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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