It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Success! We fucked roommates!
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
