i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
handjob tips. give me some.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Randomize
