If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
You are a booty call, not a friend.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
