i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
40s are totally the cure
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
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