I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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