so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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