Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
