Where did you get a picture of my penis
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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