yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Randomize
