If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Randomize
