it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Randomize
