All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
that's an acceptable place to lick
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
