just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
