Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Randomize
