Heybabeimwearingurpanties
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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