If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
