hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
