Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
