he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
