life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
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