she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Randomize
