You're so nebulous sometimes
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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