Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
