i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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