They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
