I can feel you judging me through the phone.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Randomize