i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
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