i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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