just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
