That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
